A Pulse and a Hard-on.

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I was listening to Norman the quiz on ABC radio Sydney. Robbie Buck, the presenter, was asking callers what made them smile today, before they went on to answer quiz questions. Here’s what two callers said (there is about 13 minutes between each call).

 

The Archers: Not for Lefties!

Well, it appears that way anyway…

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I started listening to The Archers earlier this year. Em has always had an aversion to it for two reasons mainly: 1) It’s about the middle classes and small village mentality (her thoughts) and 2) It’s on Radio 4.

I can’t explain really just WHY I was that interested in it. Perhaps I saw it as an exercise into ‘how the other half live’. Which to a degree it sort of is. I get a giggle out of some the somewhat coservative slant of the characters. I find it amusing. But I am enjoying listening to it.

So much so that I found myself wanting to discuss it with others but because I know NO ONE ELSE who listens to it, I found myself going to message boards. This caused some apprehension in itself as I listen to the Omnibus edition each week, and not the nightly episodes. So I had to be careful not to introduce spoilers.

The official Archers web site has a message board for fans but the people on the discussion board are so like the more prudish and conservative characters in the show (worse than them actually) I find myself very out of my depth and in the minority. Also, most are long listeners and know the characters SSSOOO well – or at least THINK they do (and therefore perhaps judge them way more harshly than someone like me, only several months into listening, only just got to grips with all the characters and still not privy to a lot of back story) – and know them far better than I.

So I thought I’d look at Facebook. If anything they are worse! All a bunch of conservatives! I am feeling very ostracised! Perhaps being Left-wing and an Archers listener is an even weirder notion than I first thought? Maybe it’s akin to Norman Tebbit liking Eastenders? Lol

Neil Nunes: The Voice of Chocolate

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I never knew his name but I have been intrigued by his voice for AGES. He is surprisingly a lot younger than his voice seems to belie.

He even manages to make the Shipping Forecast sound romantic and has you thinking of well oiled young men in the baking Caribbean sun (just me then?). His voice is like liquid chocolate.

Did Derren Brown Control The Nation?

He certainly didn’t control me last night!

Last night was the second of a series of programmes Derren Brown is doing titled “The Events”. Last week on the Wednesday night (9th September), he had a little ten minute programme on claiming he could and WILL predict the lottery numbers as they went out live. I didn’t watch the show, but many people did and were discussing it on Clive Bull’s show on radio LBC. He had the country talking of nothing else for the following 48 hours. He had predicted all six numbers! Everyone was talking about how he did it. There were so many theories being thrown about.

Last Friday, he told us in a programme sub-titled “How To Win The Lottery”. To keep it short it was to do with some thing called the “Crowd Influence” or something to that effect – can’t remember it verbatim. It was to do with a collective of people having better odds at predicting things and influencing results, than individuals or a small number of people (say, less than 10). He got together 24 people. They looked at all the lottery draws for the previous 12 months, then did some “automatic writing” technique to come up with sets of numbers that subconsciously they would think would be drawn next. Then used averages to come up with the final six numbers. Anyway, to cut it short again – after three attempts (September 9th being the third), they predicted all six numbers.

But right at the end of the programme he went on to say (at the beginning he outlined three plausible ways to win – randomness and luck IE: his numbers just happen to come up, the technique with the 24 people – whatever he called it again, or, cheating!) that he did NOT cheat. Then proceeded to say stuff like…for instance I would have to know someone working at Camelot (the lottery organisers), which I do not, and I’d have to get that person from Camelot to sneak in weighted balls into the draw machines, which I did not (blah de blah)…and so on until you found yourself thinking in a reverse psychology way, “is he admitting to cheating?”.

So this week it was going to be him having us quite literally GLUED to our chairs! There was about 45 minutes of waffle, with him doing all his usual little mentalist things. Just before he was about to “glue” us all to our chairs, they went for an ad break, but just before that, a subliminal image flashed on the screen.

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After they came back from the break, and just before he finished explaining what was going to happen and play the film that would have us “all glued to our chairs”, the image flashed up again. When the show was over, I rewound and grabbed a shot of the image.

The first time I saw it, I got a little disturbed, I must admit. It was a split second, but I could see it was someone sitting on a chair. It looked more like a sort of fractal crash test dummy image when I saw it for that split second. It’s even MORE disturbing now I can clearly see what it is! It played on my mind all through the break, but my mind got used to it and less and less disturbed by it. Then when it flashed again, I was ready for it.

By the time the film played, I had a little heightened sense of fear, but I was sort of assuring myself that I would NOT get stuck. As the film played, I found the music sort of soothing and wasn’t disturbed by the image at all. After the minute was up, I jumped out of the lounge saying “I’m not stuck. I’m SSSOOO not stuck!!” I was thinking “take that Derren Brown! Your mentalism didn’t work on ME. I’m no pushover!!” Then I was feeling slightly left out a few minutes later when loads of people were stuck to their chairs. Damn!

I was SO pleased with myself for not being open and susceptible to this kind of stuff. I’ve always wondered whether I could be hypnotised. Now I’m even more curious after that. But I have no plans of going to a hypnotist to find out!!

Apathetic Lethargy.

I haven’t been spending much time on the Internet of late (as you might have been able to tell). I haven’t even updated my blog too regularly (oh, the irony) recently either.

I’m just counting the days until Weymouth. I didn’t realise until I booked it just how much I’m longing for a trip away. I feel like I’m sort of on hold until I go. Apathy and lethargy (well one could argue I’ve ALWAYS had the lethargy) are setting in and I don’t really want them to.

I suppose the non interest in the Internet is sort of spurred on by my “nothing to report” status. I haven’t really updated twitter or Facebook much lately. I’m just at home all the time, lulling about, doing not much. Maybe I’m just a bear readying herself for hibernation?

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The weather has turned quite cool in the last 48 hours. You can feel autumn in the air. I’m really not ready for it this year! It doesn’t feel like we’re going to have any kind of Indian summer, so it’s going to make the autumn and winter a LOOONG drawn out season to go through. Any other time I’d cope, but this year was such a non-start with summer, I don’t think I’m going to cope well with a long drawn out winter.

Even the things I normally look forward to, my birthday, Guy Fawkes night (November 5th), are filling me with dread this year. I’m going to be 39. Not much to cheer about there, and with no car to get us to a display, fireworks on November 5th are hardly going to cheer me up. This year it feels like the death knell.

Anyway, this has descended into something quite dark (for me anyway) and I just was writing to say I was alive (in theory) but that there were not many creative juices flowing in me lately and that our time in Weymouth just cannot come soon enough!

Would YOU give 1000% to something?

Are you THAT committed? I’ve just been reading an article from the BBC News – Magazine section on their web site, about the death of using the term “giving it 100%” to signify you giving something your all. It’s not enough to say 100% any more. You have to say 110%, 150%, some, in the American version of The Apprentice are now using the over-assured 1000%!

I was trying to put this into context. Say you’re applying for a full-time job and you say “I give everything 1000%”. Would the employer snap you up on the logic that if you give “everything” 1000%, that perhaps you’d work 1000% MORE? Say the job was for 40 hours per week, does this mean you’re willing to give your employer 400 hours a week of work? There’s only 168 hours in a week?!

I’m really committed to finishing the post now. I think I’ll give it 99.99%! lol

To read the story, click the link below…

BBC NEWS | Magazine | The death of 100%

Inject Your Cheeks With Sugar…

for that “pregnant glow”. MORE cosmetic madness from Friday’s Daily Telegraph in Sydney. The new rage is to get hyaluronic acid (which is SUGAR – the new fangled “wonder” being brandied about in nearly EVERY face cream advert I’ve seen in the last 18 months is just flippin SUGAR?) injected into your cheeks so you can have a healthy “expectant mother” glow to your face.

 

What is this world coming to, SERIOUSLY!?

 

 

 

Bafta Television Awards 2009.

From the start I want to say that for £50 a ticket, I hope there were people who had a better time than us!

 

The journey starts at around 12.30pm. I’m tossing up whether to wear my tailored trousers down, or take my jeans and change. I decide to wear my jeans with my trainers (obviously NOT wear my heels – for reasons that WILL become apparent), and carry my trousers on my arm.

 

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Em’s dressed in her suit and the shoes we bought the previous day. She looks fab! (no pic, ‘cos you KNOW how Em is!)

 

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The jacket in detail.

 

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We got a cab at about 12.50pm and got to airport to take the coach into London a few mins later.

 

By 2.30pm we’re at Victoria station. We went inside the little shopping mall there and had something to eat in the food court upstairs. Then we made our way to the Royal Festival Hall where the Baftas were being held.

 

Em thought the best idea was (because the London marathon was also on Yesterday, the route going past the river on the other side where the Festival Hall is – and the nearest tube station) instead of taking the tube the three stops from Victoria to Embankment, we’d change at Westminster and go to Waterloo, so we’d be on the same side of the river as the Festival Hall. Nice idea in theory – but it made for one long-winded journey!!

 

Once we’d come out of Waterloo I needed somewhere to change into my trousers and put my shoes on. It was only when I departed the toilet at the Haywood Gallery opposite (where I changed into my attire) that my trousers instead of being comfortable (as I’d thought when I tried them on on Friday) were in fact LOOSE and prone to fall off me!! As well as that, I haven’t walked in heels in over 10 years and my ambitious purchase (swayed by the fact they were only £7.99) was almost instantly regretted when I realised I’d look like a crippled dwarf trying to walk in my heels! I had lots of steps to negate and all. I wasn’t feeling good at this point. And in the afternoon sun I was getting hot and flustered.

 

I wanted to stay by the red carpet to see the celebs arrive, but I also wanted to get off my feet!! There was no obvious entrance route for us plebs going in with our £50 tickets. I got the attention of one staff member, and he had us waiting for a way to get in for about 10 minutes. I thought I was going to collapse with the pain my legs were under! I kept on having to stand there in bare feet as I just could NOT take standing in the heels.

 

Eventually we were given a way in – right down the red carpet!! OMG! I hobbled down in my heels, all hot and sweaty, pain most likely evident on my face. God I must have looked like a fat ogre! Em went on ahead of me, down the red carpet. Leaving me to walk down it on my own. It was a nightmare!! When I got the end of the red carpet and rejoined Em I was SO pissed off. I said to her “thanks for sticking by my side!” She wasn’t even conscious of her faux par at first. Too wrapped in her own self-consciousness of walking down the red carpet.

 

We get ushered into the hall, and from there we saw NONE of the celeb red carpet arrival! We weren’t the only ones either. Nearly all the ticket holders ended up cut off from watching the arrivals. We were taken to the 5th floor and you could go out on the balcony and look, but all you saw from that height were the tops of celebs heads! You couldn’t even make out who was who!

 

We were there on the 5th floor for about an hour. We had to go one more floor up to take our seats. We were the first in, and the ceremony was set to start at 7pm.

 

We were up in the rafters! I could tell from what we could see on stage that we’d be spending most of the evening watching on a screen. The celebs started rolling in about 20 mins before the start. I saw Russell T. Davies walk in and thought “Oh, well that’s Doctor Who represented then, NO chance of seeing David Tennant now!” But just a few minutes later, I spotted him! He was there! I was in the same room as David Tennant! Even though I was so far away from him, I could barely make him out really. I think Georgia Moffet was with him. What a bitch! lol

 

We kept having it drummed into us that the event was black tie, DT rocks up in a jacket and t-shirt! The man’s beyond reproach! I’m sure he just smiles that flashy smile and peeps go “Aw, go on!!”

 

As it transpired he was there to present an award.

 

Chris Moyles is the un-funniest thing on two (fat) legs! Sorry, I REALLY don’t get him! And I feel like a Nana for saying it, but it’s true.

 

The ceremony ran smooth. Graham Norton was professional and funny. It was good to watch. A great “once in a lifetime” experience, but I will make sure I *NEVER* enter a comp like that again, for fear of winning it!

 

I wish I’d worn flat shoes!! And it really wasn’t the celeb “gawk-fest” I was hoping it would be. The award wins I was happy with? The I.T. Crowd (for Sit Com), Harry Hill (for Entertainment Performance), and David Mitchell (for Comedy Performance). A lot of references being made today about shock wins and the less popular choices winning gongs. It *was* odd!

 

Final thought? I really would NOT have wanted to spend £100 of my own money for those tickets, but the ceremony was good.

Recipes From Scratch.

I saw a story on the BBC that showed from research carried out by the UKTV Food channel that Briton’s can make 10 meals “from scratch” – IE: without the use of a recipe or cookbook.

Number one on the list was spaghetti bolognese. PER-LEASE! If you buy the sauce ready made, as I’m sure most people do these days, the recipe has three ingredients – sauce, pasta and mince. Ooh, hard!

Second on the list was a traditional roast dinner. Erm, again. What recipe *IS* there for that? Get a big slab of meat, or a chicken, whack it in the oven. Roast some potatoes, boil some vegies.

Third on the list was pot noodle. Forth was beans on toast.
LOL – NO! I’m kidding! But it might as well have been.

Some of them do get a little complex down the end of the list. Some people claim to be able to do a cottage pie from scratch with no recipe. That’s fairly bold.

At the end of the list was curry. I can’t help but think for some people who said “Yeah, I can make a curry from scratch.” that their list of ingredients would read:

1. One jar of korma sauce.
2. 500gm of chicken fillets.
3. 75gm of uncooked rice.
4. 15ml of olive oil.

Method:
Cook rice to instructions on packet.
Place oil in frying pan, heat. Add chicken, cook to brown, approx 8 minutes. Add korma sauce. Serve with cooked rice.

If they actually can make the sauces from scratch with no recipe to reference, they are better than I could ever be! I suppose if you’re Asian you might be able to do it, as it would be second nature to know what the sauces are made with and they’d be making them regularly.

Another was stir-fry. Well blow me down with a feather! That’s hard. Fry some meat, and a variety of chopped vegetables to your liking, then add some soya sauce, a bit of honey…viola!

Still, if people ARE cooking at home, and regularly enough not to need recipe guides, it can only be good.

Click here to read the story from the BBC.

99 Things – It Was Meant To Be 100, but the last was for tagging.

You know I’m a sucker for a list. Saw this on Facebook, wasn’t tagged to do it, so thought I’d do it here instead.

001. Real name → Larelle Read (ne McInnes)
002. Nickname(s) → Loz, Lozzy, Teds, Teddy
003. Zodiac sign → Scorpio
004. Male or female → Female
005. Elementary School → Busby Infants School
006. Middle School → Busby Primary School
007. High School → Miller Technology H.S./Hoxton Park H.S.
008. Hair color → natural brown, atm
009. Long or short → v. short
010. Loud or Quiet → (in ref to what? My hair? My state of mind?) Quiet
011. Sweats or Jeans → Sweats at home, jeans when out.
012. Phone or Camera → Camera phone
013. Health freak → No, but trying to improve my health.
014. Drink or Smoke? → Drink on the rare occasion. Smoked in the past, but not now.
015. Do you have a crush on someone? → Yes, but he’s completely unobtainable.
016. Eat or Drink → (Pardon? What? As a vice? What do I prefer in general? Who asks these stupid questions?) Both, in moderation…
017. Piercings → 2 in left ear, one in right – all closed over now though.
018. Tattoos → 1 of a rose bud on my left shoulder.

HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an aeroplane → Hell yes, too many times!
020. Been in a relationship → Yes
021. Been in a car accident → A very minor accident – no one was hurt.
022. Been in a fist fight → A very, VERY long time ago.

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → Ears when I was around 7/8 years old.
024. First best friend → John and Louise
025. First award → Can’t remember
026. First crush → Only remember his first name – David
027. First big vacation→ A trip to Perth, WA to stay with my Uncle in the summer of 1979/1980.

LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Em
030. Last person you texted → Em (again)
031. Last person you watched a movie with → Em (yet again)
032. Last food you ate → Cinnamon grahams for breakfast.
033. Last movie you watched → Lars and The Real Girl
034. Last song you listened to → Love Shack – B52’s
035. Last thing you bought → Clothes for Em
036. Last person you hugged → (erm) Em

FAVES:
037. Food → Thai
038. Drinks → Pepsi Max (which I hardly ever have now), milkshakes – proper ones
039. Clothing → Jeans, long tunic tops, cardigans, cotton clothes.
040. Flower → Gerberas, Hyacinths and Frangipani
041. Animal → Birds, big cats and British wildlife (hedgehogs, badgers, foxes)
042. Colours → Pink (I do choose it a lot for things), pastels, and black
043. Movies → Anything really, but mostly comedies, rom coms, zom coms/horror and dramas.
044. Subjects → Science (biology, chemistry) and history

IN 2008….. I

045. [x] kissed someone
046. [] celebrated Halloween
047. [] had your heart broken
048. [x] went over the minutes on your cell phone
049. [] questioned someone’s sexual orientation
050. [] came out of the closet
051. [] gotten pregnant/got someone pregnant- lost it
052. [] had an abortion
053. [x] done something you’ve regretted
054. [] broke a promise
055. [] hid a secret
056. [x] pretended to be happy
057. [] met someone who changed your life
058. [] pretended to be sick
059. [] left the country
060. [] tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it
061. [] cried over the silliest thing
062. [] ran a mile
063. [] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
064. [x] got into an argument with your friends
065. [] hated someone
066. [] stayed single the whole year

CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → Nothing
068. Drinking → Tea
069. I’m about to → browse about and check online orders
070. Listening to → Nothing
071. Plans for today → web browsing, tweeting, hopefully knit a little, watch TV, etc (it’s an exciting life!)
072. Waiting for → more online shopping to arrive and the snow to melt

YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → no
074. Want to get married? → already married
075. Careers in mind → pipedream – vet or vetinery nurse

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY?
076. Lips or eyes → eyes
077. Shorter or taller? → taller
078. Romantic or spontaneous → romantic
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → not fussed about the arms, don’t want abs either, as long as there’s no beer-belly.
080. Sensitive or loud → sensitive, mostly…loud can be annoying
081. Hook-up or relationship → booty call!!
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → hesitant (not when it comes to the booty call tho)

HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → yes, sunglasses
084. Ran away from home → yes, in a very crap way, when I was 10yrs old.
085. Hold a gun/knife for self defence → no
086. Killed somebody → no
087. Broken someone’s heart → I think I have
088. Been arrested → no
089. Cried when someone died → yes (you’d have to be one cold, heartless bastard if you didn’t – I’m sure I know a few ppl who wouldn’t)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → no a lot
091. Miracles → maybe, I think
092. Love at first sight → No, lust is what it is, not love.
093. Heaven → A kind of heaven
094. Santa Claus → Yes!
095. Sex on the first date → Hell yes, if they are fit and all, and willing…
096. Kiss on the first date → Yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now?→ yes
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → not really, but who is? I know it could be worse. I’m not complaining…
099. Do you believe in God? → no

I’ve left 100 off, ‘cos it wasn’t a question, it said “tag 10 ppl”. I’m not tagging this time.