This story http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/south_of_scotland/7754247.stm prompted me to write about my sexual awakening. It probably happened much sooner than many people would think.
Mind you, I didn’t act upon it until a was 18, but it would’ve happened MUCH earlier in my life had the circumstances permitted. If I’d have had my way, I’m sure I would have lost my virginity at a ridiculously young age!
My mother was very open about sexuality with me. She started my sex education when I was about 4-5 years old. She was worried about the things I’d pick up in the school playground and didn’t want me to be misinformed. So many of my contemporaries were given stories of cabbage patches, storks, magic and had silly names for anatomical parts like “pipes” for penises. She taught me things like how impregnation takes place. So I knew when a woman was pregnant she had a baby growing in her stomach, not she was ballooning for no good reason to only be “sent” a child by a stork, or randomly “find” one in a cabbage patch!
I wasn’t banned from watching certain things on TV either. I’d watch adult oriented soap operas and drama series. By the time I was around 11, I was quite interested in the “delights of the flesh”. When I saw people acting out sensual or even sexual scenes on TV, I found it utterly intriguing and thrilling.
Perhaps it’s my Scorpio nature, but I’ve always considered myself a very sexual being. It’s by the age of 11 that I am (I do beg all of your pardons) masturbating regularly and having many sexual fantasies, particularly about older men. I think that perhaps this aspect stemmed from me growing up without my father around, although my brothers are all over 9 years older than me. I looked up to older men, be they teachers, sports stars, actors. I’ve had MANY crushes on older men. Not so much these days, as I’m so much older myself now.
Many of my sexual fantasies revolved around me being involved with older men. Even at my tender age, I found the age and experience of men over the age of 21 so compelling. I’m sure if I’d have had my way, I’d have lost my virginity at 11-12 and to a much older man. I was Lolita!
I am, with hindsight, thankful that no situation ever arose in which I had such an opportunity. I was 18 when I (Finally! In my eyes at the time) lost my virginity to a guy only one year older than me who I’d been keen on for the previous 18 months. Although the relationship went nowhere, he was just in it for “a root”, as we say in Oz, it still was a very special experience that I still can have nostalgia about. Not sure if I could have looked upon it so rose-tinted had I been younger.